A special thanks to the people who contributed to this video during the summer, my friends lo.ose for their musical talent, my friend Melissa for being a rockstar, and the artist Jen Mazza who allowed me to use her painting in the thumbnail of the video. her unedited work is here
https://bit.ly/3wpAHO7

Support me on Patreon:   / illneas  

Find me here   / _illneas  
  / illneas  
  / illneas  
https://open.spotify.com/artist/6RXfB...

Second channel
   / @akidwithacameraorjustillneas  

Communities
  / discord  
  / 2314655172176122  
  / searchingformeaning  

References

The thumbnail is a painting by Jen Mazza
https://jenmazza.com/

The narrator is Melissa Varela
  / melissa_melicious  
   / @melissa_melicious  

The music is this:
LO.OSE Summer Depression
https://open.spotify.com/artist/6O4Oy...

My equipment:
I film handheld with a Panasonic Lumix
G80
https://amzn.to/2uGqmQZ
GX80
https://amzn.to/33e5Tye
Olympus M.Zuiko Digital 45mm F1.8 Lens
https://amzn.to/2vr9P3N

Hard To Love by illneas

I remember feeling happy when I was folding your clothes
The shadow of my fingers tracing my unfinished dreams in the morning sun

I remember a broken candle from a past birthday,
A confetti piece from your graduation,
A picture of you with your mother

I remember you telling me to open up and heal
I use my heartstrings to stitch my mouth and I scream in artistic expression

I remember you trying to find the courage to kiss me
Just to share the metallic taste of blood on my lips

I remember that summer
Your fingers scribbling poems on my back

I remember feeling happy with the salt on my skin
It's impossible to feel ugly with your invisible ink on my body

I remember you begging me to go to therapy
While I was bending ideas to justify my ego
Thinking the canvas of life could be manipulated by the world's smartest idiot

I remember watching you petting cats
It's impossible to feel sad with a cat between your legs

I remember talking to you about the poems I never wrote
Poetry seems pointless when you know me that well
I remember laughing at your silly comments

I remember that night
Telling me that you are afraid of change
I remember when I told you that I need to distance myself from you

I remember your eyes
You looked away to hide your vulnerability from me
I can't forget that silence

You think I have a broken heart
While I'm sure I'm just a broken person

You think I hide behind my poems
While I'm trying to convince myself that I exist

You think I lost myself in the maze of my memories
While I'm afraid of forgetting how it feels to fold your clothes